Isaiah 58 changed everything for me. For a long time I made seeking and knowing God the goal of my life. It was straightforward. Not easy, but straightforward. Spend time alone with him. Feel what's on his heart. Thank him for the countless ways I've been overwhelmed by his love. Put on some music and sing to him, dance with him. I felt him, so many nights, alone and desparate for his presence, he poured out his love on me.

But I only heard part of his heart. I didn't listen to his heart for people. Perhaps I spent so much time with God because I disliked people. People are complicated and messy, and God is beautiful. He was always the same, always made me feel wrapped in love, safe, and secure.

I looked down on people, perhaps partly because of those experiences I had. I felt like I was special, like no one else would understand. I looked forward to the day I would die, and simply be with him.

Then one day I read Isaiah 58. It speaks of a people who seek God:

Yet they seek me daily
and delight to know my ways,
...
they ask of me righteous judgments;
they delight to draw near to God.

But yet they did not love others:

Behold, in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure,
and oppress all your workers.
Behold, you fast only to quarrel and to fight
and to hit with a wicked fist.

I remember reading this as I was rowing (don't ask how) and I cried. I realized that was me. My seeking was about my own pleasure.

Jesus said there's 2 greatest commandments. He said them in a specific order, love God before you love people, but he said both of them. There's not just one greatest commandment, there's two. He was driving home the point that these things are inseparable. You cannot do one without the other.

Paul says something kinda crazy in Romans 9:

I am speaking the truth in Christ — I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit - that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.

I suspect he desparately yearned to imitate Jesus, who was cursed and cut off from his Father as he died, for the sake of humanity.

One thing is clear: His heart broke for the people around him. He was prepared to give up blessings and even closeness to Christ, for the sake of his brothers.

There are many things you'll be able to do in eternity, but saving souls isn't one of them. My prayer now is that God breaks my heart for what breaks his. I know people break his heart, because people break my heart haha. And God loves them so much more. He sees their beautiful heart, and I want to do that too. To see, know, understand, and hold peoples' hearts, and maybe reflect a little of the love that God has rained upon me.